BJ Fogg and Linda Fogg PhillipsAt Facebook, we're constantly connecting with interesting people — from experts in their field, academics and researchers to celebrities or visitors to our office. Occasionally, we'll share these conversations on the Facebook blog in our new series titled "Connecting with...." I recently had the opportunity to speak with BJ Fogg and Linda Fogg Phillips, the creators of "Facebook for Parents," an experimental course that was offered at Stanford University. Read the next blog post in this series here.How did you come up with the idea for the "Facebook for Parents" class that was recently offered at Stanford University?
Linda: I have eight children, seven of whom are old enough to have a Facebook account and do. I saw that among parents there wasn't a lot of comfort and knowledge about Facebook and how it functioned. We tried to remove the fear from parents around Facebook and social networking.
If you could tell parents one thing about Facebook, what would it be?
BJ: If you're not on Facebook yet, you don't have to join. You don't have to drive cars or have a mobile phone either, but it's part of being in the modern world. If you choose not to be on Facebook, you're choosing to be left behind. That's too bad.
What was the biggest take-away for parents who were in the class?
Linda: That Facebook actually can be a great parenting tool that enables parents to be aware of their children and what's going on in their world. It allows further modes of communication within a family, even among people living under the same roof, as well as those that aren't. Facebook also helps parents teach life skills that are outlined on our website.
BJ: The biggest surprise was the shift from anxiety to opportunity. Most parents joined the class because they were concerned about privacy or their kids putting up photos that would stop them from getting into college. By the end of the class, I think they saw the opportunity of this great new world that their kids were involved in. They connected with old friends and saw the charms of Facebook.
We've heard that some kids are uncomfortable "friending" their parents on the site.
Linda: I am friends with each of my children. The reaction was mixed. I found that it depended on the age and maturity level of my child and to some degree, the relationship I have with that particular child. I will admit that one of my daughters got mad at me and blocked me for a period of time, but then we worked out our differences and she added me back as a friend.
Are you friends with your kids' friends, as well?
Linda: Yes, quite a few of them. It really helps bridge the gap as far as communication and for me to be comfortable with their friends, too. I don't request them, they request me. I'm not going to intrude on their lives.
Any other ground rules?
Linda: Depends on the child. That's also what we talked about with the parents in our class. If your child doesn't want to "friend" you, don't worry about it. We found that the No. 1 reason most kids don't want their parents to be their friend on Facebook is that they're afraid their parents will embarrass them — more so than being exposed and letting parents know what they're doing.
BJ: In some cases, that means, "Don't ever post on my wall," and in almost all cases, it means, "Don't post baby photos of me naked in the tub and tag me." The more the parents in our class learned about Facebook, the more their kids seemed to relax.
Linda: I try to respect my kids' space, but at the same time, I try to be a responsible parent who is involved in their lives. In turn, they actually enjoy interacting with me on Facebook.
How else did the parents in your class evolve?
Linda: Parents would go home after class and know more than some of their kids about Facebook. It became a mutual teaching tool where the kids would teach the parents something, and in turn, their parents would say, "Oh, look at what we just learned." Parents would gain respect from their kids, "Mom's not such a dummy on this, maybe she does know something." Eventually, the kids realized their parents weren't on Facebook to spy on them. It was a huge bridge to communication and building relationships within families.
Do you think parents being on the site is influencing how their kids behave?
Linda: It's helped kids realize that there are other eyes on them besides just their friends. They realize it's more of a public venue than so many think it is. It's sort of a self-regulating, self-checking mechanism, which isn't bad. We all need to have that.
BJ: The fact that kids are changing their privacy settings to stop their parents from seeing photos also means that they could do that more generally. It just means they are paying more attention and being more thoughtful about the implications of their status updates photos, notes — whatever they're doing.
When's the next installment of your class?
BJ: We will teach this again, but we know that not everyone can come to Silicon Valley. So we're looking at ways of helping parents get going with Facebook in a way that scales for anyone in the world. Stay tuned to facebookforparents.org. Sign up for our mailing list and our free newsletter.
Kathy, Facebook's resident blogger, is thankful that her parents haven't posted any embarrassing baby photos of her on Facebook.
Tip: Share your family information on Facebook through the Information tab on your profile. You can list your immediate family members or even link to their profiles if they are on Facebook.